Show of Hands, Who Had The Fish?
by sglatte
Summary: UPDATED & COMPLETE! They’d been craving fish’n’chips but a new ‘catch of the day’ has a surprising side effect; a neurotoxin which alters the personnel’s inhibitions. Silliness, sarcasm and sexiness ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Show of hands…who had the fish?

They'd been craving fish'n'chips but a new 'catch of the day' has a surprising side effect; a neurotoxin which alters the personnel's inhibitions. Silliness, sarcasm and sexiness ensues.

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Dr. Elizabeth Weir rushed out of the transporter on the command level, nearly stepping into Teyla who drank greedily from a large bottle of water as she walked. "Oh," she smiled. "Sorry. I need to look around before I come charging out of those things."

The Athosian only nodded, and took another long drink.

"Thirsty?" Elizabeth brow rose in question.

"Yes," Teyla returned the smile. "I am afraid the dinner last night contained more salt than I am accustomed to having. I awoke incredibly parched."

"The Colonel's fish and chips night. I'm sorry I missed it. Was it good?"

"Yes. Very." Teyla fell into step with the other woman as they took the steps. "The group seemed to enjoy themselves as well."

Sheppard enlisted the help of his girlfriend, the expedition's marine biologist, to arrange a special fresh fish and chips dinner for the crew. They had all the fixings and snacks to go with a pub setting. Getting permission to serve beer in the mess took a little doing, but they eventually agreed to a drink maximum. He set up a projector and showed the recently transmitted Super Bowl. The Colonel set out to throw a good party.

"That's good to hear." Elizabeth smiled. It wasn't often they could do something so fun to boost morale.

"Coming through!"

Both women turned to the sound in time to see the topic of their conversation roll quickly around the corner on the Gate Room floor. Coming up on the four steps leading to the main floor, he squatted, popped up… and ollied onto the open expanse. "Yes!"

He swerved the board smoothly around. He waved a hand at both awestruck women. "Be there in a sec!" John kicked off once more, gaining speed and dropping down the steps he'd just jumped, disappearing back around the bend.

"What the…?" Elizabeth stood there not knowing what to say.

A few moments later, the transporter doors opened. Sheppard practically ran out, carrying his board. "Did you see that?" He laughed.

"Yes. I. Did." Elizabeth turned, not amused.

"That was awesome." He turned back to where he pulled off the trick. "I caught really good air that time."

"That time?" Weir crossed her arms.

" Well, I almost ate it outside the mess… no pun intended." He chuckled. "Even if it is kinda funny."

"Colonel." Weir's voice snapped. "Are you feeling ill?"

"What?" His smile faded as he noticed her scowl for the first time. "Uh, no."

"Then perhaps you can explain to me why you would think skate boarding through the Gate Room would be a good idea."

"Um," His mind raced for an excuse. "Sorry. I got nothing."

She only glared.

"Sorry," he pursed his lips, frowning a little. "You're right. I guess I got a little carried away. Won't happen again."

"Good." Elizabeth nodded. "Now put that thing away before coming to the morning briefing."

"Right away." He turned, hurrying down the stairs. As soon as he made it around the corner, he tossed the board down, jumping on. The smile bloomed across his face again as he zig-zagged down the hall towards his quarters.

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Major Lorne walked into the conference room with an odd smile on his face. Sheppard, McKay and Ronon were the only ones there. He'd leaned closer to them rather than take his seat. "Is it just me, or are people acting a little weird this morning?"

"I don't know," Sheppard shrugged. "I think people are just in a good mood, that's all."

"Yeah," Lorne smiled ruefully. He'd drawn the short straw. "Sorry I had to miss the party."

"Someone had to be on duty." John smirked.

"Whatever." Lorne rolled his eyes. "Okay, I guess that's it."

"Why?" Ronon tilted his chair back on two legs.

"Carrie Goodman, the little gal from the med lab, just grabbed my ass." Lorne shyly chuckled.

"Really?" John's brows shot up. "Did she say anything?"

"Yeah," The Major's cheeks actually turned pink. "But I'm not telling you guys what she said."

"Then what the hell are you doing here?" McKay leaned forward.

"We have our morning briefing." Lorne stated the obvious.

"Oh. Well, yes, there's that." McKay bobbed his head.

"I just thought it was weird." The Major took his seat.

Ronon almost laughed. "So, she's going for want she wants. What's wrong with that?"

Before anyone could answer, Teyla and Elizabeth finally joined them. Sheppard felt the corner of his mouth draw down at the look of frustration on Elizabeth's face. It wasn't terribly obvious, but he knew her well enough to see the signs. She was not a happy camper.

"Sorry we are late." Teyla slipped easily into her chair.

"Seems there are a number of personnel who decided they just didn't want to show up for duty this morning." Weir shifted in her seat, and turned on her tablet.

"They're not sick are they?" McKay squeaked. "I mean, there's not some sort of outbreak or anything, right?"

"No. No one is ill." She glared at the report in front of her. "There seems to be a city wide malfunction of everyone's alarm clocks."

John sunk a little further into his chair. If a bunch of people were late to report for duty the morning after his party, he was definitely catching the blame for it. Damn.

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"Carson!" McKay turned the corner to the infirmary to see the doctor struggling with a hall full of gurneys. "What are doing?"

"These were supposed to come down from being cleaned and decontaminated, but turns out I'm a wee bit understaffed this morning." Beckett smiled from the corner of his mouth. "But I have to say, I came damn close to sleeping in myself."

McKay pulled one of the gurneys toward himself. "Me too. Let me give you a hand." Rodney began pushing one, as Beckett continued to push the other.

"Aye, thank you for the help. The fast I get this done the better."

Rodney pushed his gurney with a little more speed. Carson kicked up his pace, keeping McKay from taking the lead. The two men looked at each other sideways, instantly smiling. Their shoes slapped against the stone floor, going faster.

The corner approached. The doctor took the corner with more grace, but did him little good as Rodney plowed into him, bounced off and kept going. "Cheater!" Carson called.

The doctor reached McKay again on the straightaway. Pushing off hard, he leapt on top of the gurney and slide past the scientist. "Whoo-hoo!"

Rodney, deciding that looked like much more fun, followed suit. He wasn't quite as graceful, but still managed to ride down the hall at top speed. "Yeah!"

"Look out!" Two of the nurses dove out of the way, but laughed at the grown men, belly down on the makeshift sleds. One of the nurses, Casey, chased after them, pushing on Beckett's stretcher. "Go get him, Doc!"

"Not fare!" Rodney whined.

"I got your back, McKay." One of the female marines began pushing at a full run.

The loop around the level gained people by the minute. Scientists, medical staff and military alike lined the halls. Sides were picked and relays of runners and riders formed. Everyone shouted and called out bets, even though no one knew who was winning or what the rules actually were.

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"Hey," Ronon jogged up to Teyla and Toni Beck. "Where are you two headed?"

"The gym. It's my turn today. I'm teaching Teyla some more yoga." Toni smiled. She'd become friends with the Athosian woman over the few missions they'd worked together, as well as the past several months of dating the Colonel. "Care to join us?"

"Yeah, uh. No."

"Then what brings you this way?" Teyla arched a brow.

"He's bored." Toni playfully shoulder checked the big Satedan.

"Am not." He pushed her back.

"Are too," She smacked his shoulder hard. "Tag. You're it!" And she darted down the hall.

"Ow." Ronon scrunched up his face. "What was that all about?"

A wide smile crossed Teyla's face. "A game of chase they taught the Athosian children. The one who is 'it' must chase and tag another to make someone else 'it'."

"Oh," Ronon nodded thoughtfully, then he grinned wickedly and smacked her on the shoulder. "Tag." And sprinted away.

Toni slowed to jog as she turned another corner. Sheppard walked the other way, but turned at the sound of footsteps. "Hey!" She paused in front of him long enough for a chaste kiss, but more – and much faster – footfalls caused her to scurry behind him. He held fast to her hand. "What's going on?"

Toni jumped when Ronon barreled around the corner. She playfully spun John in front of her for protection. The big man didn't slow down, he only said "It's Teyla" as he went by. Toni wasted no time and darted after him.

"What the hell?" John watched them go. He felt a sharp, painful slap on his ass. "Ow!"

Teyla flew by, "Tag! You're it, Colonel!"

"Damn," He bolted after them. As he turned the next corner into an atrium where several corridors intersected, he saw many people none of which being the three he wanted. A familiar blond came close, looking quizzical. "Cadman."

"Colonel. Great party last night."

"Yeah, yeah, Thanks." They were hiding. He knew it.

"Something I can help you with?" She smiled at the frantic, almost silly look on his face.

John stared at her hard for a moment. Ah, what the hell. "Yep." He wacked her on the shoulder. "Tag. You're it!"

Laura Cadman watched her commanding officer sprint away. Suddenly the sight of Dr. Beck, Ronon and Teyla running through the room made perfect sense. "Son of bitch."

Nearly twenty minutes had passed since John tagged Cadman. He'd heard lots of footsteps and yells as he snuck around the halls. It sounded like the game had grown significantly. He saw a familiar face dart around the corner. "Teyla!" It came out sounding like a whisper, but was plenty loud. "It's not me."

"Truly?" She edged closer.

"Scout's honor."

Teyla smiled. "I was caught by Lieutenant Willis, but I was able to get Toni. That was several minutes ago."

"How many people do you think are playing?" He chanced a look over the railing to the area below.

"Nearly everyone in this area of the tower."

"Wonder who's It." As the words left his mouth a big blur swooped down from the railing above. He felt a sharp whack on the top of his head.

"Me." Ronon landed in a crouch, laughing. "Should've kept quiet."

He started to run off and John tackled him at the knees. A full on wrestling match broke out as the two men fought for the upper hand. People began poking their heads out, drawn to the sight like a car wreck.

"Colonel Sheppard! Report to the Control Immediately!"

They all froze at Dr. Weir's voice.

John knelt with one elbow twisting around Ronon's knee and his head locked under the big man's arm. "Uh-oh. Busted."

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	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

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Colonel Sheppard peeked into Dr. Weir's office, hands in his pockets and half wondering how mad she was going to be about an impromptu game of tag. _Feel like I'm about to 'fess up to scratching dad's car during a joy-ride. _He took a deep breath and walked in.

"Colonel." Elizabeth waved him to the remaining empty chair in front of her desk. In the other chair sat a despondent McKay. Major Lorne leaned against the wall with a stern look on his face, but when Sheppard arched his brow at the other officer, an amused glint could be seen.

"Elizabeth," John slipped into the chair, trying to look more comfortable than he felt. "What's up?"

"I don't know about 'up' but I'm beginning to think most of the expedition is high." She shook her head in exasperation.

"Excuse me?"

"I found Dr. McKay, Dr. Beckett, and about thirty people on the infirmary level having stretcher races around the halls." Lorne offered.

"Really?" Sheppard turned to McKay with a sideways grin. Damn, that sounds fun.

"Yes." Dr. Weir's deadpan tone countered his enthusiasm. "Add to that half the staff not reporting for duty on time and your little stunt in the Gate Room…"

_Yes!_ The Colonel thought. _She doesn't know about the game of tag_. He began to formulate a plan for Capture the Flag. Yeah, there were plenty of people down there.

"John?"

"Hmm?" Both eyebrows shot up.

"As I was saying, something is affecting people's judgment." She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "Yours included, it seems."

"What is?" Sheppard looked back and forth between her and Rodney.

"We don't know. But it's got to be something from the dinner last night. It's the only common denominator."

"You have to admit." McKay rolled his eyes. "If something is going on, last night's dinner is the likely culprit."

"I feel fine. Great even." John smiled, sprawling in the chair. He slapped Rodney's shoulder with the back of his hand. "You should have been there when jumped the set of stairs by the biometrics lab on my board, Buddy. It was so cool."

"Seriously," Rodney leaned forward. "All the steps right there by the big planter? Wow."

"Colonel." Elizabeth snapped. "This is exactly what I'm talking about."

Some part of Sheppard's brain recognized they were discussing a serious issue, but he just wanted to focus on going out and having more fun. "Oh."

"Yes. Oh." She placed both hands on her desk. "I am ordering Dr. Beckett, with the help of Dr. Zelenka – who doesn't seem to be affected – to find what is causing this. I'm also putting Major Lorne in charge…"

"What?"

"John. Your judgment is compromised. Lorne will temporarily take command until we have this fixed. I'm also suspending all off-world activity until that time."

The Colonel's brows drew together and his lips tightened to a line. He did not like the sound of that.

"So for now," Elizabeth practically pleaded. "Both of you stay out of trouble."

Rodney and John exchanged stares.

"That's it, for now. I'll let you know if we find something." She dismissed them from her office.

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Dr. Beckett carried a stainless steel tray full of smaller sample dishes to the counter in the med lab. Each little glass dish held a portion of the various items served at the party from the previous night – fish, potatoes, a slaw made from a vegetable the Athosians grew which closely resembled cabbage, and even the beer. The doctor sighed longingly as he sat down with the tray.

"It was grand party. The fish was cooked to perfection. They made them to order, you know, so no one would have a soggy dish. We all had a wonderful time."

"Yes, well, some of us had to work – a double shift no less." Radek growled out. "Then to be woke from a dead sleep to figure out why all of you are acting so, so, so detinstvi!" His voice dropped to a mutter. "Should let all of you suffer. Stupid. Who plays football in the halls?"

"Really?" Carson leaned back in his chair to peek out the door as if he could see the game. "Playing football?"

"Yes, took me forever to get here." Radek pushed his glasses onto place on his nose.

"American or real football?" Beckett leaned even further back, going onto two chair legs.

"Dah, soccer."

"Hmm." Carson's chair slammed back onto all for feet. He quickly finished filling out the tag for the sample in front of him. "Well, we've been at this for some time. Don't you think it's about time for a wee break?" He stood.

"No!" Zelenka spun, pointing a finger into the doctor's face. "We just get started and we're not leaving this lab until we have an answer. Dr. Weir put me in charge of this investigation, and you are not going anywhere until I say we're done."

"Testy." Carson frowned, sitting down slowly. "No need to get all bent out of shape. I'm working."

They began labeling tiny vials for the mass spectrometer and placing the samples in them. In batches they were loaded into the machine and it began to break apart and identify to chemical components of each small sample. As the results scrolled over the screen, Radek wrote the finding down.

Carson entertained himself by quietly singing some Scottish limerick.

"Hey guys!" McKay charged into the room, slapping his hands together once and rubbing them vigorously. "What's up?"

The Czech rolled his eyes, but otherwise did not acknowledge McKay.

"Just testing all the delectable tidbits from last night's dinner." Carson quickly dove at the chance for a distraction.

"Yes, ah, Elizabeth seems to think there's something making us loopy." He buried his hands in his pockets. "Personally, though, I think she's just jealous she didn't get to attend. I feel great." He circled a finger around his head. "No loopiness here. I'm feeling sharp as ever."

"Aye, I feel dandy." The doctor nodded his agreement. Then he turned a hard glare on Radek. "I'd feel even better if someone would allow us a bit of a break every no and again."

"Well, so sorry, but we have work to do." Zelenka handed Carson one of the result sheets.

"It's okay." Rodney moved to the other side of the table. "Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not even here." He managed to stay quiet for a few moments, but soon the packages of sterile spectrometer plastic vials were too tempting. One went up in the air and was caught. Then another joined it, and another, in a barely coordinated juggle.

"Hey, that's pretty good." Carson laughed, grabbing three to make his own attempt. Unfortunately, one flew across the table, hitting Radek.

"Stop it." He snapped. "Work. Now."

Both men put down the impromptu toys, looking at each other with barely contained mirth. Rodney threw one at Carson, who tossed it right back. Another was picked up. Within seconds their sloppy juggling act turned into a two man show. Unfortunately, the 'balls' hit the counter far more often than they were caught.

"Argh!" Zelenka threw his glasses down. Ignoring the chaos did no good. "Dostatek! Enough! You're impossible! Both of you! Out! Odchazet! I will do this! Go! Vystoupit!!"

They both froze, watching the Czech's rant, his glasses missing and hair sticking out. Carson and Rodney couldn't help it. They burst out laughing simultaneously. When his yelling got louder, they made a run for it.

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Toni was on a mission. She spent the last hour diligently trying to catalog the marine species taped by the last survey buoy drop. Hours of footage still needed to reviewed, but her mind kept drifting back to the all too brief, and way too chaste, kiss from earlier. Between John's missions and her surveys of the coastal mainland, they'd barely seen each other for weeks. Sure, they had fun last night, but that was with friends. She wanted private fun.

Not wanting to be overly obvious, she only inquired to his general whereabouts when she radioed the command center. Chuck said something about the equipment lockers. She now hurried down the halls, hoping to catch her Colonel in an abandoned storage closet.

John sauntered out of the doorway a few yards in front of her. Nice backside view. Yum. With a few hurried steps, she got a hold of that fine backside.

"Hey!" He turn, surprised.

"Hey, yourself." Toni pulled her lip between her teeth. Smiling wickedly.

It didn't take much for her mood to be infectious. John wrapped one arm around her. "What are you doing down here?"

"I felt the need to let you know just how disappointed I was with that kiss from earlier. It just left me…"

"Wanton?" His brow arched.

"For you? Always." Her laugh was smothered by his mouth.

He buried his hands in her long hair, drinking her kiss in with desperation. She smiled against his mouth, and pulled him closer. John chuckled, pulling out of the kiss, but pressing his forehead to hers. Part of his 

brain realized this was not the place for a make-out session. Still, spending a little time necking with his girl was just the perfect thing to do right now.

"Come with me." John hoisted her up and her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. He backed up to the door of the equipment room, which opened automatically for him.

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Ronon strode down the hall, throwing up his knife and catching it as he went. He couldn't quite help the corner of his mouth turning upward. He kept thinking about the game of tag and whooping Sheppard's ass in the hallway. That never got old.

The big Satedan liked beating up on his commanding officer, mainly because he was one of the few people to present a challenge. They could relate to one another with punches far better than with words. They understood each other. Hell, it was just fun.

After Sheppard got called to Dr. Weir's office the game broke up. Now Ronon itched to find something else to do. Absently, he tossed the dangerous knife around his hand like a little kid playing with a yo-yo. Maybe I can find a marine or two to pound on, he thought as his turned into the away mission equipment room.

He froze. A wide smile crossed his face. Sheppard will never live this one down.

Against the locker, on the other side of the room, the Colonel held Toni up. His hand worked under her t-shirt and her legs wrapped around his waist. Her hands toyed with his hair and they were making all kinds of cooing, wet and sloppy sounds.

Ronon crossed his arms. They didn't notice the door open or close. He shifted feet. They still didn't notice. He cleared his throat. Nothing. He almost laughed out loud.

Sheppard must have moved her neck, because Toni tipped her head to one side and moaned.

Ronon tipped his head to be level with her.

Her eyes opened. She screamed. John dropped her, and spun around. She barely kept herself from falling flat on her ass. Then Ronon did laugh. Hard.

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"Seriously?" Carson walked along side Rodney.

"Yeah, after we left Weir's office, he tells he though he'd been called on the carpet for being in a level wide game of tag. I don't know who started it, but John said he and Ronon were fighting out who would be It when the call came through."

"Sounds like fun, but I dare say our races were a blast."

The two looked around the empty mess hall. A spread of boxed sandwiches, fruit, power bars, and other off meal time items sat out, but both men snubbed their noses at it. "Got to be something better in the kitchen. Come on.

"I thought the kitchen staff was off until dinner?" Carson whispered loudly.

"Yeah," Rodney nodded. "Maybe someone else has the same idea."

They both looked inside to find Teyla rummaging through the chilled shelves. She stood straight when she spotted them. "Oh, Rodney, Dr. Beckett, what are you doing here?"

"Same as you it seems." Rodney smiled. "Find anything good?"

"Yes, actually."

They dug through the cheeses, lunchmeats, fruits, and condiments. Carson worked his way to the back and shouted with joy. "Jackpot!"

"What?"

"I present to you," He held out a gallon sized plastic tub. "Chocolate chip cookie dough!"

"We need spoons!" Rodney dashed for the utensils.

"Does that not need to be cooked before eating?" Teyla could not help the infectious smile.

"Oh no, love." The doctor smiled. "This is one of wonders of the culinary world. It's even better before being baked."

"Spoons!" Rodney passed them out and dug out a mound to shove into his face. "O'mf 'ood"

"Go on." Carson took a spoonful, urging Teyla to do the same.

They both watched with excitement as she tentatively tasted the dough. Her eyes grew with pleasure and she licked the spoon clean. Both men smiled with triumph and dove in for more. On their third or forth helping, Teyla picked a red can off the shelf. "What is this?"

"Whipped cream!" McKay laughed. "Dare you to eat it from the can."

"What?" She scrunched up her face.

"Like this." Beckett took it from her, popped the top off, leaned his head back and filled his mouth with fluffy cream. He nearly laughed, spraying bits of cream from the corners of his mouth.

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"I can't believe you dropped me!" Toni smacked John on the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Yeah, I can't believe you dropped her!" Ronon punched Sheppard hard on the other shoulder.

"Ow! Stop that!"

"Come on, I'm hungry." Toni tugged on John's shirt.

"I could tell." Ronon chuckled. She just stuck her tongue out at him and dashed into the mess. Both men followed. They all heard a strange sound from the kitchen. "What's that?"

Both John and Toni rushed to the back. Ronon followed, stepping up behind them just in time to see Teyla filling her mouth several inches past her lips with a mound of whipped cream. John and Ronon stood there with open mouths, but Toni went "Yes!"

Surprised, Teyla sputtered…spraying whipped cream over the three of them.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I am sorry." She chuckled. "I did not mean to…"

But Sheppard, completely straight faced, picked up the can, shook it once and sprayed her in the face with it. Teyla yelped in surprise.

"Hey!" Rodney swiped the whipped cream from her face and flung it at Sheppard.

Ronon grabbed the can away from Sheppard and sprayed it onto Rodney's head. Carson spooned out the blue jello he was eating and flung it at the big man. Toni stepped between the Satedan and the doctor, getting a face full of whipped cream for her trouble.

Soon shouts and food flew through the kitchen.

"What the hell is going on!" Major Lorne shouted.

They all turned, covered in cream, jello, and other food. As one the answered, "Nothing."

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	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I am SO sorry I've dropped out of sight for so long. Real life seriously blows sometimes. But I'm back and have completed this story!!! I have taken one big liberty, Amelia Banks is in this even though I'm pretty sure she didn't join the crew until later. Still, I like her so she's invited to play!

Hope you enjoy!

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CHAPTER THREE

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"This is outrageous!" Rodney threw his hands up in the air as the energy field sprang to life. "Lorne! Really? You're throwing us in the brig? Lorne!" He turned back to the group. "Sheppard?"

John lounged on the bench, weight on his hands and legs stretched out before him. Toni stood behind him gently poking her fingers on the now very sharp, whipped cream frozen, spikes of hair. "What?"

"Do something!"

"What do you want me to do, Rodney?" The Colonel practically whined. "Temporarily relieved of duty…remember?"

"Yeah, but. . . "

"What exactly do you want me to do, McKay?" John leaned forward and growled. "Whatever is going on, Elizabeth obviously thinks we're somehow compromised."

"It was a stupid food fight." Toni flopped onto the bench beside him.

"Aye, it may have been a terrible waste of perfectly good cookie dough, but it certainly wasn't criminal." Beckett agreed.

Teyla sat on the other bench, picking pieces of food from her hair. "It is not often that I disagree with Elizabeth, but I must admit I think this is excessive."

"Yeah," Ronon flicked a piece of something looking like drying blue Jello into the energy field and watched it sizzle. "What do we do about it?"

"Beats me." John slumped.

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Laura Cadman pressed herself against the wall hard, peeked around the corner using the small mirror from her utility kit.

"Well? Are they there?" Amelia Banks whispered.

"Shush." Laura moved the mirror around to get a better look.

She could see Ronon and Toni standing on their hands, feet against the wall. Carson walked across the room on his hands. As she watched, he dropped to his feet again. Rodney lay on his back on the floor throwing something into the air and catching it, over and over.

"Don't see any guards." Laura finally whispered.

"No one coming this way." Amelia confirmed. "Halls are all clear."

"Lets move." Cadman led her into the secured area. "Colonel."

"Cadman?" John jumped to his feet. "What the - ?"

"We'll have you out in a second, sir." She tapped at the keypad.

"About time." Ronon jumped up from his spot on the floor, moving as close to the door as possible.

"Wait a sec." John pulled the big man back by the arm. "Lieutenant, what are you doing?"

The blue shimmer and sudden lack of humming indicated the energy shield dropping. The door slid open. "Letting you out, sir."

"Under whose authority?"

"Who cares." Ronon stepped past him to freedom.

"The way I figure it, you're my Commanding Officer and you're being held with out charge or due process. It's my duty to liberate you." Cadman stood at attention, speaking with over exaggerated emphasis.

Sheppard's face scrunched up in thought. The others took his hesitation as an opportunity to slip past him and out of the cell. Finally, he nodded. "Sounds good to me. Let's get the hell out of here."

Teyla paused at the door. "Will they not be looking for us once they discover our disappearance?"

"You're right." McKay mumbled, then snapped his fingers rapidly. "I know where to go. Follow me."

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"Dr. Weir?" Radek lightly tapped on the frame of her door.

"Dr. Zelenka." She looked up from her tablet. "Come in. Please tell me you found something."

"Ah, yes. I have." He absently pushed his glasses up his nose. "It's in the fish. I found a subtle neurotoxin which in simulations affects the pleasure center of the brain, lowering inhibitions and impairing judgment."

Elizabeth leaned forward, elbows on her desk. "How do we counteract it? Will it wear off?"

"Eventually, but I'm afraid that may take a while. I looks as if it actually alters the brain chemistry, at least for the short term. However, it may take weeks to completely clear from the system."

"Weeks?" She groaned. "I can't have the majority of my exhibition acting this way for weeks. Can you come up with a treatment to lessen the time?"

"Yes." Radek pulled up some information on his tablet. "I think administering a derivative of this anti-opiate may neutralize the affect. However, it would need to be administered in an inner-muscular shot, which means we would have round up everyone up."

Elizabeth nodded, understanding the difficulty in gathering everyone together. "We'll do what we have to. How long until you will be ready to administer treatments?"

"An hour. Maybe less."

"Very well. Go get ready. I have Major Lorne begin to gather people up." And the bunch in the brig are right at the top of that list, she thought.

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"Rodney, where the hell are we going?" Toni traced her fingers along the water stained line on the wall.

"I found this spot when one of our survey teams were exploring after the flood. It's totally off grid. No life sign sensors working at all."

"Okay. . . and?" Sheppard prompted for more information.

"And I always thought it would be fun to check it out more thoroughly." Rodney gave him a 'duh' look."

"Rodney, I believe the Colonel is asking for more information about the actual location." Teyla asked again with infinite patience.

"Oh, I think it was a club of some sort. There were tables, and lights, and a kitchen and a bar. . ."

"A bar?" John stopped looking stunned. "Why the hell haven't I heard about it?"

Rodney paused, turning around. "Unfortunately 'great entertainment prospects' doesn't make it real high on the priority list when you compare it to, oh say, 'balancing power consumption for shield emitters'. Still, it was on the list. Isn't that what's important?"

"Whatever." Sheppard rolled his eyes. "How much further?"

"Just around the corner up there."

The big double doors slid open automatically at their approach. Blue and light green ambient lights grew in brightness, revealing a huge expansive room with high ceilings and dozens of small tables littering the floor.

"Wow." Amelia headed to the right. "Look at this."

Directly in front of her a counter made stained glass and steel supported a top filled with bubbling water lit from below. Around its base were sleek stools, some standing and some on their sides.

Amelia leaned over the bar, looking at the other side. "Hey, coolers!" She slid over the top of it, rather unceremoniously, and tumbled to the floor on the other side. Both Toni and Laura cracked up at her, laughing even harder when she popped up on the other side with a 'ta-da!' and deep bow.

"Sure does look like a bar." John righted one of the stools in his path.

"I suppose the Ancients would desire recreation as much as any civilization." Teyla walked with her head tilted back, examining the intricate lights and chandeliers on the ceiling.

"Agh!" The trio of women, all now behind the bar fell back with a nasty expression.

"That's rank!" Laura turned away holding her nose.

"That's cladophora." Toni choked.

"Cado-what?" John leaned over the bar just to get hit in the face with a decaying stench so bad bile instantly choked his throat. "Damn."

"Now, that's just gross." McKay try to see what everyone was looking at, without breathing in too much of the smell. Stainless steel compartments lined the inside of the bar, one of them was open revealing green stringy algae floating in dark water.

"It's dead cladophora, a type of algae." Toni moved closer, breath through her mouth. "Stinks when it's alive and really stinks when it's dead. But . . ."

"For the love of god, don't touch it!" McKay wailed as Toni pushed up her sleeve and reached in to the case.

She pulled out a tall blue glass bottle. It had an elegant twist in the neck and was topped by a shiny crystal cap sealed with wax. "What do suppose this is?"

John handed her large piece of fabric that may have been a table cloth at one time. She wiped off her arm and the bottle. Rodney was right behind him offering a small bottle of antibacterial gel.

"Liquor?" Ronon leaned over the Colonel's shoulder.

"Maybe."

"I don't know if I'd drink anything that's been around that long." Carson took the bottle, examining the seal. "But the seal does look good."

"Still," Teyla scoffed. "It is very old."

"Aged, like fine wine." Cadman grinned.

"Or good scotch." Carson returned her grin.

"Well," Rodney bobbed his head side to side. "The Ancients were good at preservation. Even the fresh water stores were still good when we found the city."

The small group huddled around the doctor holding the mystery bottle. The silent question of should they or shouldn't they hung in the air until Ronon snatched the bottle away and twisted the top off. He put the bottle to his lips, taking a long draw.

"Only one way to find out."

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	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

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"Dr. Weir?" The voice in her earpiece interrupted her reading.

"Yes, Major."

"Ma'am. Um, they're gone." She could practically hear the wince in Lorne's voice.

"Excuse me."

"The Colonel. McKay. All of them. They're no longer in the brig."

She put down her tablet, pinching the bridge of her nose against the headache developing. "How is that possible, Major?"

"Someone on the security team must have let them out. I'm having Wills pull the surveillance tapes right now. I'm sorry, Doctor. I should have posted a guard."

"No, Major. It's alright. They weren't charged with anything and we were really just trying to keep them out of trouble."

"Put that group together, and trouble just happens." Evan half chuckled.

"It seems to be the case, doesn't it?" Elizabeth allowed herself a small smile. Leave it to John Sheppard to bust himself out of his own brig. "I'll have Young look for them on the internal sensors. Continue with the rest of plan to distribute the neurotoxin antidote and we'll let you know where they are."

She entered the solemn control room. Most of the shift had pulled a double shift and were now entering their third. "Kevin, could you please adjust the city sensors to locate Colonel Sheppard's team and Dr. Beckett?"

The airman acknowledged her request and began tapping away at his keyboard. His brows drew together and he went through the commands again.

"Problem?"

"They're not registering on the sensors." He shrugged. "None of them."

"Has anyone accessed the Jumpers?"

"No, Ma'am."

"And no one has gone through the gate." Elizabeth rubbed her forehead. "Okay, that means one thing." She tapped her earpiece. "Major Lorne."

"Lorne, here."

"There's no signals on the sensors. Our fugitives have made they're way to the bottom of the city. You're going to have to find them the old fashion way."

Evan's deadpan tone answered back. "Oh, wonderful."

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"John!"

Toni's voice boomed through the room, making everyone jump.

"Oops," she giggled. "I found a sound system."

"Where the hell did you go?" He stood up, looking around, swaying a bit as he did.

"Here!" Teyla came sliding out on to a small stage at the opposite side of the vast room. Her stocking feet slid on the polished floor and she held her balance for a moment before Toni dashed out to slide behind her and took the Athosian out at the knees.

"You okay?" John swerved through tables and chairs in their direction.

Both women lay there in a pile laughing hysterically. Toni's arm shot up. "My bad. Sorry."

"There's a back stage?" John hoisted himself on to the stage.

"Yeah." Toni rolled over to her belly. "All kinds of stuff too."

"Really?" He flopped down to match her pose, facing her nose to nose. "What kind of stuff?"

"There are rooms that have tables, large mirrors and closets." Teyla sat on the stage edge.

"Like a dressing room?" Carson passed the second, and now half empty, bottle to Rodney. "Do you thing this was a theater?"

"With a bar?" Amelia scoffed.

"Strip-joint maybe?" Laura laughed.

Rodney about spit out the drink in his mouth. "Ancient strippers?!"

"I don't know, guys. I don't see any poles." Sheppard chuckled.

"Hey, some of the best routines only involve a chair." Toni shimmied her shoulders.

Staring straight down her cleavage, an evil grin spread across his face. "You want to show me?"

"Get a room!" Rodney threw a small cushion from one of the chairs, hitting Sheppard on the back. The rest of them around the table laughed as the Colonel feigned injury.

Ronon took another swig off the bottle and passed it to Amelia. "What's a strip-joint?"

She took a long drink of the spiced flavored liquor before standing. Her hips swayed seductively side to side. Laura immediately jumped in with a "ta-da-da-dum" sing-song rhythm. Amelia reached up and pulled the clip from her hair and shook out her long locks. Her other hand unzipped her jacket.

Ronon's brows practically rose to his hairline.

"Ladies!" Carson squeaked.

Rodney smacked the doctor's chest with his knuckles and cursed through clenched teeth. "Shut it!"

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Radek rose up onto his toes to see over the shoulders of the Marines gathered around Lorne. "Major!"

"I want teams of four." The Major addressed the soldiers. "I don't expect any real trouble, but I'd rather have the manpower together in case they decide to play keep-away and split up on us." He noticed the small man at the back of the group. "Yeah, Doc. You got something?"

"Um, yes." Zelenka edged his way forward. "I think I have a place for you to start. See, even though the sensors are not working in those areas, I can monitor power consumption. There is a section here that has been recently activated and there's no reason for it to be. We don't have anyone working in that quadrant."

He showed the Major and the others the location on the city schematics. Lorne nodded. "Okay, everyone stick to the original plan, my team will take that area."

Everyone scattered to their assigned areas. As they marched down the halls of the formally flooded area, worry began to eat at his gut. He'd caught the Colonel and his team in a frenzied food fight. What would they – could they – be up to now. He didn't want to put his C.O. in any sort of embarrassing position with his men.

"Lieutenant, I want you to understand that whatever happens when we find the Colonel, it's completely confidential. I do not want to hear any wild stories, ever."

"Yes, sir. What happens in Vegas, sir."

"Good."

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The group sat around a table near the bar, telling stories. A task made more difficult because each turn involved a new rule and failure meant another drink.

"So, the whole class had to pile on this bus," Rodney slurred. "And this little blond, Becky Gram, she was seriously hot –"

"Agh!!!" Toni yelled pointing.

Carson and Laura feel back laughing.

"Wha-?" Rodney look around.

Sheppard laughed, patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time. "Again, buddy, you did it again!"

"You can't help yourself, can you?" Laura giggled.

She was the one to set the rule that you couldn't use the words "seriously hot". Ronon pushed the bottle into McKay's hands. The scientist had to drink again.

Toni leaned into John, muttering quietly. "Another shot or two and he's out."

"You're right." He answered out of the side of his mouth.

"You!" Ronon practically pushed the Colonel from his chair. Toni cackled in response.

John grabbed the bottle from Rodney's hands and swallowed. He was not allowed to speak without the hand movements. With a mischievous grin, he moved as if to kiss Toni's shoulder. She smiled, coming closer. He bit her playfully instead.

"Ow!"

He only raised an eyebrow.

"You're turn." McKay turned to Carson.

"Okay, so-" the doctor began carefully, not wanting to say 'medical' and careful to replace the word 'summer' with 'penis'.

"Wait!" Ronon interrupted. They all began speaking at once. "Shh! I hear something."

The all fell silent. Faint footsteps reached their ear. "Someone's coming." Ronon verified.

"Is there a way out?" Carson looked around.

"Only that door." McKay moaned.

They all looked around for ideas. Sheppard stood up. "I'm going to go check in back. Look for something to cause a distraction."

Everyone spread out. Amelia picked up a bowl, looked at the coolers full of foul algae. "Hey, Toni. . ."

The marine biologist immediately took the hint. They both dipped the big bowls in the disgusting stuff and took up positions beside the door. The waited, trying not to giggle.

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"You have got to be kidding me!" Major Evan Lorne wiped the smelly slime from his face. He coughed, trying to control his gag reflex. Turning to the equally disgusted Marines, he barked. "That's it. We're done playing. Stunners! Just take then down, now!"

The five soldiers burst through the double doors in formation, flashes systematically covering the huge room. Toni went down, as did Carson and Amelia. Laura left the cover of an over turned table in an attempt to reach Beckett, and was stunned for her efforts.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" John screamed from behind the edge of the stage. "Knock it off!"

"I can reach them before they take me down." Ronon growled from his right, instantly sober.

"No." Sheppard muttered back. "Those are our people."

"Yeah, attacking us."

"I said stand down!" John yelled again.

The firing stopped. Lorne called out. "Sir, you need to come with us. You're experiencing effects of food poisoning."

"What? No!" The Colonel practically squeaked. "Major, we're just having a little fun here. And, as a matter of fact, you should feel damn lucky if I don't throw you in the brig for shooting at your commanding officer." John waggled a finger, even though he was hiding behind a wall and not facing the Major.

"Sir, just come out. Doctor Weir –"

Teyla made a dash for Rodney, who had stood up too quickly and promptly passed out. Her usual graceful speed was hampered by the drink, causing her feet to tangle. It gave one of the Marine enough of an opportunity. Teyla hit the floor beside Rodney, stunned.

"Stop it!" John yelled again.

Ronon peeked out quickly. "They got Teyla. Toni's down too."

A low curse escaped Sheppard's lips. "Son of a bitch." He stepped around the corner. "Damn it, this is an order –" and was promptly stunned. Ronon flew out of hiding. Three direct shots connected with his chest and he staggered a few more steps before darkness over took him.

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Bright light burned through his eyelids even before attempting to open them a crack. "Oh, okay. Ow." Rodney whined. Florescent lights, white ceiling, smell of disinfectant. Infirmary. Great.

McKay lolled his head, which felt far heavier than normal, to his right. Teyla occupied the bed. Making the monumental effort, he looked the other way. Carson looked back with unfocused eyes. They stared blearily at one another for a moment before the Scotsman mumbled something unintelligible. He licked his lips, trying again. "Wha 'appened?"

"Don't remember anything after, um, Teyla teaching Cadman a dance of something or another." McKay whispered.

"Um, the fertility dance. Yeah, you were really drunk." The doctor croaked.

"Will you two shut up," a baritone voice rumble from across the room.

"Uh, yeah, what he said." Toni spoke into her pillow.

"Oh good!" One of the nurses bounced into the room. "Everyone's awake!" They all cringed, moaning in pain or scowling as hard as they could. She 'accidentally' knocked a metal tray full of equipment, making more clatter, seeming satisfied with their discomfort.

Sheppard propped himself up on an elbow, rubbing his face with the other hand. Fuzzy images of Marines baring down upon them formed in his mind. He grumbled. "Lorne shot me."

"And me." Teyla covered her eyes with her hands.

"Me too." Ronon growled.

"All of us, huh?" Sheppard tried to sit up, but the room spun wildly and his stomach flipped in protest. He only made it to a sitting position. "I'll kill him."

"No, Colonel, you won't." Dr. Weir marched into the room, looking stern. "I want you all up and in the conference room in fifteen minutes." She turned on her heels and left.

"Just great." Sheppard muttered, dread filling his gut as images from the previous day solidified.

"I think I'm gonna puke." Cadman muttered into her hands.

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In fresh clothes but looking hung-over and haggard, the motley group entered the conference room. There sat Dr. Weir, Major Lorne and Zelenka. They, too, looked tired. Sheppard stopped, wary of the smug satisfaction in their eyes.

"John, everyone, please take a seat." Elizabeth showed only the slightest up turn to corner of her mouth. "I thought you should all be briefed on the events of the last few days. It seems a neurotoxin was found in the fish you served at your little Super Bowl party. It lowered the inhibitions and impaired the judgment of everyone who ate it."

Toni and John sunk further into their chairs.

She continued. "This resulted in missed duty checks, failed assignment, and several disorderly activities. Now, with Radek's help, and the coordination of Major Lorne's teams, we were able to develop and administer an antidote. Still, I thought it was prudent that you all see some of the havoc all of this caused."

Elizabeth turned to Zelenka, who picked up the remote and pointed it towards the big screen. Lorne rested his chin in his hand, and smiled wickedly at the group. The lights dimmed and crisp, clear security footage began to play. It showed Carson and McKay, belly down on stretchers being pushed by medical staff and military personnel.

"Ugh." Rodney rubbed his brow, embarrassed.

"Oh," Elizabeth smiled sweetly at the group who caused her so much headache over the last few days. "Just wait. There's sooo much more. We're going to watch the whole thing. I'm sure you all will find this entertaining. I know I will."

End.

A/N: I know I probably don't deserve it after abandoning this tale for so long, but I would still love to hear any reviews you wish to give!!! Thanks!


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